Thursday, July 5, 2018

IT'S X-DAY! BEWARE! RUN AND HIDE! PRAISE "BOB"!


Any second now the Saucers will arrive on earth and eradicate the human species, and the superior SubGenius super-mutant yetis will be saved and be taken to the stars on their very own Pleasure Saucers! 


JHVH-1 will smoosh all the normal people who made life an unbearable suck-fest! SMOOSH THEM WITH HIS STARK FIST OF REMOVAL! And the SubGenii will be swept away with the Slack Fist of Retrieval.


While everyone else is being blasted into mush, we who made it right with "Bob" will be spending time with the beautiful Alien Sex Goddesses (above). 


And, we are all very well this might end up being just another X-Day drill, but we're really hoping this'll be it. These last couple of years have been astoundingly annoying, and existence on this planet has really worn out it's welcome. In fact, the apocalypse would be a goddamn IMPROVEMENT. We all need a clean slate. I can't wait for JHVH-1 to punch the shit out of this planet! Maybe he'll reshape it like Play Dough into something more useful. 


Any second now... any second now...



Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Happy X-day Eve everyone!


As my Yeti brethren make their way to the sacred grounds where the Xists will arrive tomorrow, as the SubGenius liturgies say they will, I can't help but reflect on my own journey as an Overman. Oh sure, the SubGenius prophecy has never been correct, but who knows, maybe, just maybe, the WORLD ENDS TOMORROW AND YOU MIGHT DIE!

If you're still not ordained, there may still be time to submit to make it right with "Bob", and to send your $35 to the Church of the SubGenius. Click the image below for more details. 


JHVH1, that evil alien space god, will be obliterating all the non-believers and Anti-"Bob's" of the world tomorrow, while those of us who are card carrying members of the Church will be saved and taken upon the pleasure saucers to make horrifying sweet love to the Alien Sex Goddesses. What do you say? Do you want salvation, or extermination? The choice is yours and yours alone!

Please enjoy the following introductory video for further detail. 


ARISE: The SubGenius Video from Philo Drummond on Vimeo.
"ARISE!, The SubGenius Movie. ARISE! was directed by Cordt Holland and Rev. Ivan Stang, written by Stang, narrated by Dr. Hal Robins; it was first released in 1988. New artwork, some new live footage and numerous computer animation sequences were added in 2005. ARISE! tells the story of Slack master and Sex God J. R. "Bob" Dobbs, the Texas preacher who discovered the Conspiracy and an invasion by UFOs, and founded The Church of the SubGenius -- an adults-only religion for mutants, misfits, weirdos."

Monday, July 2, 2018

Happy Birthday to the late Gene Ray, creator of Time Cube!



We were truly blessed to have the work of the "World's Wisest Man", Dr. Otis Eugene Ray. The title of "doctor" was awared to himself by himself I believe. Anyway, as any Cubic student will tell you, Gene Ray was a truly fascinating character. He really went as far as he could to advocate for his Time Cube way of viewing the world. It was sort of a spiritual-science, in its own strange way; A very strange form of numerology based around the number 4 (even though cubes themselves have 6 sides, but whatever.)

Much like the world of Stanislav Szukalski, who is greatly exulted by all members of the Church of the SubGenius, Gene Ray presents something so ridiculous and confusing that it must be true to SubGenius doctrine! Like good ol' J. R. "Bob" Dobbs always says, "if it seems really stupid, it must be important"; so by that logic, Time Cube might be the most important Forbidden Science in the history of Forbidden Sciences! 


Time Cube seems to be based on the 4 stages of life, and, it measures the self against lineage and culture. So instead of seeing yourself as a separate part of your family, society, culture, hemisphere, etc., you would measure yourself to them as a component that brings together the "harmonic" Time Cube world. At least that's what I take away from this. 1 turns is the equivalent to 4 days because the day ages as the same as a human does. 1-self is not equal or greater than a "Family Cube" because to be whole. the self must be part of a family. This is an assumption based on the above notes, as well as some videos I watched about Gene Ray (who came from a very large family himself), but I feel like he was trying to say something along the lines of the importance of unity within a family, as opposed to a member of a family just being out for themselves. Somehow, through the harmony of Time Cube, a cubic family unit would be a strong and successful one as opposed to the "Antifamilyism" non-cubic educators teach.

This is of course just my interpretation. I'm sure the late Gene Ray would tell me I'm wrong, and that I'm stupid, for even trying to understand the nuances and truth behind the Time Cube. Below is a really great video all about Gene Ray and his life, and, you can really see how his personal life shaped Time Cube. 


It's a shame Gene Ray passed away before he could finish and publish his Time Cube textbook. His website still exists, but it's definitely run by "fans" and not followers of his science. Through the murkiness of his online rants I feel like there might be something tangible to his philosophy, but who knows if it can ever be truly deciphered. 


Saturday, June 30, 2018

The First Church of Dana Scully, Scientist, gains momentum!

The Book of Scullyation, 4:3, "For Dana Scully is a combination of Venus and Mercury, of Jove and Saturn, and many other Gods besides. And the first test of the Scullyite Ministers is to prove it."

The red tinted tentacles of this schism grows every second. The First Church of Dana Scully, Scientist (FCDSS) has been growing on as a Facebook group for some time now, and our new members have been enjoying the cosmic despair that the Church revels in. Our devotion to Scully, our godhead (of sorts), has led us in a direction full of skepticism and logic, while we still seek UFO's and the monsters that dwell in the cosmos. It's been a fun time. If you'd like to join the Official Facebook group, click the image above.

Recently, a YouTuber who seems to specialize in Lovecraftian literature received her copy of The Handbook for the Recently Deranged. Incidentally, both books of the official FCDSS books are available for purchase here.


Because of my devotion to assisting with spreading the reach of FCDSS, I was awarded the title of Nomach for the Nome of the State of New York. Currently, because of time constraints, I haven't done much with this, but I am slowly planning out what I'd like to do in the future. 


There is also a Nomarch for the chapter in Texas, run by the wonderful Miranda Steinle. Miranda is also the author behind the wonderful news website, The Askewer. There is also a Facebook group for the Texas chapter of the FCDSS that you can join by clicking the image below. 


As we Scullyite Ministers and theologians continue to study Her for more divine insight to the chaotic and downright scary universe we live in, we keep close to our hearts that it may all be for nothing, but hey, it's a fun ride ain't it?

If you'd like to follow the path of Cosmic Despair, Shredded Sanity, and Redheads, please click here for more information on how you too can join this illustrious order.

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

OSI74 Patreon & Cinema Insomnia - S03E04 - "American Werewolf in the Philippines" from OSI 74 on Vimeo.


Today I became an OSI74 patron via Patreon. I'm already a card carrying member of the Sleepless Knights of Insomnia, a fan club and sacred order of the amazing  long-running show, Cinema Insomnia, hosted by the ever amazing Mr. Lobo


So why did I choose to become a patron? Well, I just really enjoy the programming from OSI74, and I believe in what they do. They're strange and wonderful artists, and that's something I admire. Patreon makes supporting stuff like this so easy, I kinda love it. I mean what else am I gonna buy with $2? Two losing lottery tickets? Nah, I'd rather spend that money towards something more worthwhile, and honestly, if I could, I would donate more. 

If you'd like to become a patron and help support OSI74, click here


In other somewhat related news, I will be taking a trip in a few weeks to the Philippines. This trip has been in the works for a long, long time now, but I'm finally getting around to it. It's a short 13 day trip, but it'll be fun I'm sure. I'm somewhat prepared for my stay there, but I feel like I should do more to prepare myself. Luckily, this episode of Cinema Insomnia was recently posted and is chock full o' amazing information! What divine synchronicity! 

Will Mr. Lobo get his soul back from the dastardly Dean Slithers? WILL HE?! Watch and find out!!!

Cinema Insomnia - S03E04 - American Werewolf in the Philippines from OSI 74 on Vimeo.

Monday, June 25, 2018

The Axe Body Wash Secret Society Cult: The Order of the Serpentine!

There have been a few parody cults in media, most recently with the Taco Bell "Belluminati" promotion. I think there was one with Sprite a few years ago called "Sublymonal", but my first experience with a fake product placement cult was The Order of the Serpentine way back in 2006. 



The Order was formed around the thesis of "THE WALK OF SHAME ENDS HERE", and by using Axe Snake Peel body wash, you could be reborn by washing away your awful hook-up decisions. Personally, I think the musclebound lady on the pamphlet is very attractive, but this is supposed to be propaganda I guess so I don't want to think too much about what their message is. 


So from what I can remember, there was a website set up where you could receive coupons to buy Axe products and be part of a mailing list. So I signed up, thinking nothing of it (which is probably how most cults function anyway) and left it at that. A few weeks later a package arrived in a plain brown envelope and my initiation was done. 


The kit contained all the items seen below (a pamphlet, a membership card/certificate of acceptance, and a really uncomfortable wristband), but there were also small sample packets of the Snake Peel body wash included, which I of course used. 


And that's really it. I believe the official website had like desktop wallpapers and maybe a novelty screensaver, but I don't remember too well. I just wanted some coupons and free samples, and I ended up with a full initiation kit. The promotions didn't last for too long. I'm sure there are conspiracy theorists who look down on this like they do on the Belluminati stuff, but I think it's fun. Definitely not to be taken too seriously. 

I guess I'll go out and by some Snake Peel now. It's been a while since my last Daily Scrubbing Ritual. 







Saturday, June 16, 2018

My doodles and drawings from class (Fall 2017 - Spring 2018)


With the semester behind me I've decided to do some cleaning and throw some stuff away. Mostly papers I no longer need. And before I threw these away I though I'd share some pictures of my doodles from my various classes. I was never much of a student, and very often I stop caring about whatever lesson is going on and I just start drawing. 

When I was a boy I wanted to grow up and become a comic book artist. The industry changed so much though that when I was finally old enough to understand what was going on I no longer wanted any part of it. After a while the dream of doing any sort of creative works professionally slowly dissipated into the ether. There is though still to this day a part of me that would very much like to put together at least one thing, but I can't for the life of me come up with any decent ideas. 


This guy reminds me of the Demon from DC Comics mixed with that rock monster from "Never-Ending Story".


Some sort of balding middle-management worm-man. Also, there's a friendly old rocker with too much hair floating beside him. Perhaps some sort of guardian angel?


Globglogabgalab.


Toxie looking cleaner than usual.


Behold! The true face of God! He sort of looks like Bubs from "Homestar Runner". 


I drew this little guy who just seems to be J. Wellington Wimpy's nose come to life! And he stole Wimpy's hat!


This guy was inspired, I think, by the "Unique Individuals" in the "Basket Case" sequels. There's no one in those movies who looks like this, but I think this guy would fit in well with them.



No idea. Some sort of Elder Thing.


I ended up creating this character, "Captain Elder God", during one of my philosophy courses. I thought it'd be funny if there was a super-powered human being who had all the unholy, mind-bending, reality shattering powers of all the Elder Gods from H.P. Lovecraft.


"Captain Elder God" ruins "Mr. Sanity". Ridiculous, but it was fun to draw. Mr. Sanity will never be the same again...


I'm sure I'll draw more stuff like this in the future. I keep saying I'll draw a little comic someday, but in all honesty, there's no time for that right now. Too many responsibilities forced upon me by The Conspiracy. One day though, when I truly master Time Control, I will try to come up with something to unleash upon the world. 

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

You need to watch OSI74's Cinema Insomnia - (S03E02) - Bloodsuckers of the Atomic Swamp (presented in astounding SWAMP-O-VISION)


Cinema Insomnia, hosted by the amazing Mr. Lobo, is a great and entertaining program that is true to it's horror-host roots. Once you know and understand how the dynamic existence of Mr. Lobo came to be, you really get a sense that he's the real deal. He's not a parody of old television horror-hosts, he is one. Genetically alterted to be a remnant of a by gone era for a more modern time. I've seen a lot of horror hosts who portray themselves as jokes, but the humor of Cinema Insomnia is its inherit sincerity. 

I still maintain my wild hypothesis that Mr. Lobo is a time traveler sent from the 1960's. A strange unholy lab experiment conducted by Bob Wilkens, Ghoulardie, Vampira, and Zacherle to create a proper successor host in an effort to please the b-movie gods. 

In short; watch more Cinema Insomnia. It's good for your heart and your soul. 

Saturday, June 9, 2018

The Official Popeye Fan Club The Sea Hag



I've been a Popeye fan all of my life. It may have been my first "fanatical" obsession if you want to think of it in terms of fandom. My parents bought me all these VHS tapes with public domain Popeye cartoons, and even the live action Popeye movie starring Robin Williams. My love of Popeye never really dwindled, and when I was in high school, during one of my first advanced computer classes (well advanced when compared to the computer classes I had in elementary school) I found out about The Official Popeye Fan Club, located in Chester, IL, where Popeye and the rest of the Thimble Theater characters were first created by E.C. Seegar. 

I don't know why I didn't join twenty years ago, but it's always been on my mind to do so. Either way, finally, I took the plunge. I paid my $10 and I am now a proud card carrying member of this esteemed and decades old group. I hope I can even contribute to the fanzine sometime. That'd be a fun thing for me to do for sure, and I can finally blab about how great Popeye is to people who actually care about Popeye!


The membership also includes a certificate, and a subscription to the Official Popeye Fan Club News-Magazine. Pretty cool stuff if you ask me. I do collect Popeye stuff here and there, so it's nice to have access to other collectors. In fact, my membership includes a discount to Spinach Can Collectables, which houses all kinds of neat Popeye stuff, as well as a Popeye Museum. 

To learn more on how you can join The Official Popeye Fan Club, please go to www.popeyethesailor.com.

 In other Popeye related news, I ordered a doll of The Sea Hag off of Etsy the other day. When I was a little boy I had a set of these Popeye dolls from Presents which included Popeye, Wimpy, Swee'pea, Brutus, and Wimpy. From that set I only have Wimpy left sadly, having lost the rest over the great expanse of time. I never really planned on trying to collect these again, but then I found this amazing Sea Hag doll, and that changed everything.


Finding this doll opened up something in my subconscious mind, and a flood of true nostalgia came rushing through. If you follow this blog you might have noticed I don't buy high-end collectibles. I mainly just collect small toys. And I literally mean toys, not hundred dollar posable figures for adult collectors, but toys meant for children. I try to never buy any one item for more than $15, but every one in a while something just grabs a hold of me and the hunt begins.


When I finally received Sea Hag in the mail it arrived in a large box, and I was amazed how much bigger this doll was compared to the rest in the line. Haggy is literally twice the size of the rest of the Popeye dolls. It's taller than my Lanard Kong Skull Island figure! 


I'm bubbling with joy over this Sea Hag doll. It's a great item to own as a collector, and has such a high quality of detail. Sea Hag's design has varied quite a bit over the decades, but this is my favorite version of ol' Haggy, what with her weird double chin, warts, and big nose. She looks wonderfully sinister with that big toothed smile. 


In honor of this momentous and Popeye filled day, I created this image below for anyone who wishes to summon the powers of the Sea Hag. 



Friday, June 8, 2018

There's a WD-40 Fan Club and it's nearly 20 years old!


I'm shocked and delighted to know that the amazing super-lubricant, WD-40, has an official fan club! I can't tell you the joy I felt when I found out; this is incredible. Finally, and I mean finally, we WD-40 fans around the world can come together to celebrate this amazing chemical. 


I should mention this isn't a sponsored blog post, but, I do believe you should definitely join the WD-40 fan club; it's free, there are free downloads, and it's surprisingly active. Personally, I think I've only used this stuff once to remove gum from my shoe, but I'm always down for a weird, niche, and kitschy fan club like this. 

Thursday, June 7, 2018

One of the greatest living artists, Cat Feather, and her disgusting yet colorful art


Support living artists. Don't just buy from long dead and deceased ones, but give your love and adoration to those who are still with us. Let them know how much you appreciate their work, and how they've inspired you. 

Cat Feather, I feel, is deserving of more attention than she currently has; simply put I find her work beautiful, intoxicating, nightmarish, and beautiful. It's modern art through a John Waters filter; pop art from a mint in box bootleg action figure; Andy Warhol as interpreted by H.P. Lovecraft (or vice versa). And the teeth... dear god the teeth.. I can almost taste them.. 

This is art. Without question this is art. I am unsettled and enticed. I have no doubt that if you owned any piece of art by Cat Feather it would automatically be the greatest thing in your collection by a large margin. Imagine the pained and shocked faces of the guest who come by your home as they gaze upon one of these paintings, or maybe something you've commissioned in private. The conversations alone would be worth it!

Currently, as you might have noticed by the above image, Cat Feather is currently taking work. If you feel so inclined to make a purchase, please check out her official Facebook Page, or her Etsy!









Wednesday, June 6, 2018

So I watched "Charlie Chan and the Curse of the Dragon Queen" (1981) and it was alright

 

I love these yellow-face detective films from the 1940's. Charlie Chan (various actors portrayed this character), Mister Moto (Peter Lore), Mr. Wong (Boris Karloff), The Mysterious Mr. Wong (Bela Legosi; not a detective, but a villain) are all wonderful characters from wonderful films. It's a shame though that these movies will likely be buried because of their politically incorrect undertone. It's also a shame that these roles couldn't have be filled by actual Asian actors. I think Charlie Chan was only voiced by an Asian actor in the Hanna-Barbera animated "The Amazing Chan and the Chan Clan" cartoon series. 


"Charlie Chan and the Curse of the Dragon Queen" (1981) was, as far as I know, the last hurrah for the Charlie Chan character. It's almost a spoof actually, but it's still trying to be a Charlie Chan story. As a comedy it's not as funny as I hoped it would be, and it's not even that interesting of a mystery. It falls apart on both ends, but I still find it likable. What saves it all are the performances of the cast, who seem to be really trying to keep this thing together. Peter Ustinov plays Charlie Chan in this so once again we're back to a non-Asian playing an Asian character, but he somehow doesn't lay it on too thick with the accent or the performance, and like previous actors in the role, Ustinov tries to portray Chan as a man of reverence with a sly and dry sense of humor. So it works I guess, but I feel like his performance would be better suited in a better movie; it felt like he was playing it too straight for this slapstick like flick.


So hey, if this is the last Charlie Chan film to have ever been made, it could have been worse. I enjoyed it enough to go back to it someday, but if you want to watch a great Charlie Chan flick watch any of the original films. This Charlie Chan movie is just a novelty in the series.