Reverend Guimo's Blog: My AEGIS Identification Card

Sunday, August 27, 2017

My AEGIS Identification Card

There's something really pleasing about having a super-villain identification card. I plan on printing this out and hanging it on my wall next to my diploma.

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The Movement Of Obliterating NHGH

"M.O.O.N. is a clench of the Church of the Subgenius based in Kalamazoo, MI. Its mission is the complete and utter destruction of the one force that is responceable for stealing more slack than the conspiricy has ever had in it's entire existance. That force is..... NHGH! It was NHGH who was responceable for the Escape Vessels of the Sex Goddesses to not arrive on July 5th 1998, the date pre-ordained by Dobbs. And you can bet that NHGH will KEEP stopping X-Day unless WE SUBGENII DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT FIRST! That is why we must KILL NHGH before 7-5-99 if X-Day is will ever come to pass!"

THE LATTER-DAY SAINTS OF DISCORDIA

"The Latter-day Saints of Discordia is a society of incredibly intelligent, occasionally motivated, and unquestionably creative borderline geniuses who have been classified, by the slaves of the machine, as one or more of the following: free thinkers, mystics, lunatics, anarchists, poets, deviants, paranoids, hackers, magicians, eccentrics, con-artist, chaoist, revolutionaries, habitual drug users, extremists, atheists, conspiracy dupes, occultists, and Subgenius disciples who are dedicated to an advanced understanding of the paraphysical manifestations of everyday chaos"

23rd Street Chapel Legion of Dynamic Discord

"Welcome to the 23rd Street Chapel a place where under the Pineal Promptings of Saint Gulik messenger of The Goddess Eris Chaplin IM False and Suzycat create works in her inspiration I see Saint Gulik! This site is a work in progess Goddess permitting it will evolve to house the abnormail published and inflicted on the mundane world by the Chapel Staph Please send abnormail and Eristic comments to Chaplin IM False, KSC Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia! ODD# 1 Chaos 3165 - 23 * F#"

Crocco Cabal of the Erisian Church

"Welcome to the official webpage of the Crocco Cabal of the Erisian Church. This website is dedicated to Carmine Crocco, who died a martyr to Discordia on June 18, 1905. My name is Antonivs of Syracuse. I am a Pope of the Erisian Church and disorganizer of the Crocco Cabal. If you don't believe me, check out the gospel I am compiling for the New and Improved Testament (the true story of Jesus) or my Epistle to the Discordians (a distillation of wisdom as compiled by a domesticated primate). I have been asked if Discordianism is a real religion or a joke. Malaclypse the Younger said it best when he wrote: "We are not engaged in a complicated joke disguised as a religion. We are engaged in a religion disguised as a complicated joke." For those of you who are dubious, "If Eris doesn't exist, who put all the Chaos in this universe, you damned atheist?" huh? huh? No answer, smartguy? Life is short, so let there be slack!"

The Nuclear Platypus Church of Arglebargle (Biscuitism)

"Back in print again for the first time ever, The Nuclear Platypus Biscuit Bible, quite possibly THE WEIRDEST BOOK OF ALL TIME, clearly and concisely articulates all knowledge worth knowing! Now featuring 342% more Biscuitism, this long out-of-print underground cult classic returns in a thoroughly revised edition (212 pages, compared to the measly 48 pages of the 1990 edition) in hard- & softcover, with loads of new eye-popping graphics and all-new chapters that continue the brain-twisting Biscuitoid assault on reason, normality and comprehensibility. Learn such crucial info as: the precise theological difference between the Nuclear Platypus and His bumpkin cousin, the Nucular Platypus; the horrors of the Great Porridge Famine that wiped out the creatures of myth and fairy tales; what happened when God-Biscuit showed up drunk for the Apocalypse; and God-Biscuit's glorious plan for humanity. Guaranteed to be the most important publishing event in the entire history of human civilization or your money back!"

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

"The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, after having existed in secrecy for hundreds of years, came into the mainstream just a few years ago*. With millions, if not thousands, of devout worshipers, the Church of the FSM is widely considered a legitimate religion, even by its opponents – mostly fundamentalist Christians, who have accepted that our God has larger balls than theirs. Some claim that the church is purely a thought experiment or satire, illustrating that Intelligent Design is not science, just a pseudoscience manufactured by Christians to push Creationism into public schools. These people are mistaken — The Church of FSM is legit, and backed by hard science. Anything that comes across as humor or satire is purely coincidental."

The True Reformed, Vegnautic* Sect of the Invisible Pink Unicorn

"We believe in One (or More**) Unicorn(s), or fewer, The Pink, The Invisible. Creator of Uncertainty, Keeper of Chaos, our Maker, revealed unto us in the alt.atheist usenet forum. She that Raptures Socks, She will smite those that mock Her brethren. When heathens partake in baloney, she invites her loyal servants to join the feast. We shall eat our fill, yea every belly shall be full with pure, untarnished, unadulterated, suffer-free pizza. Her revelations show us the folly of all religions, our personal insignificance, the understanding of existence, and the importance of 42. Spread Her Word."

The Calcutta Pococurante Society

"Cant, Humbug, and Absurdity in all their branches whether Tory, Whig, Radical, Ultra, or Liberal, Medical, Literary, Martial, or Civil, National, or individual - from the Champagne Wright behind his counter; from the Cant of the learned Lord on the Woolsack to that of the Mob Orator on the Hustings in Palace yard. From the absurdities of Utilitarianism to the absurdities of Romance. Provided however that the said Humbug, Cant, and Absurdity, have become public property through the medium of books or newspapers - private Cant and private Humbug are too dear to the breast of every Englishman to admit of their being discussed without material injury to the feelings of the great mass of the nation - this Society will be there - fore respect those hallowed barriers which the common interests of mankind should render sacred to all."

Temple of the Great Spider

The Church of Last Thursday

"We, the Last Thursdayists, followers of Last Thursdayism, members of The Church of Last Thursday, believe: that the universe was created on Thursday, and will expire on Thursday. that the universe was created by You as a test for yourself. that you will be rewarded or punished when this universe expires based on your actions here. that left-handedness is a sinful temptation. that everyone but you was placed here and pre-programmed to act as parts of your test environment. that everyone but you knows this."

UAAFOU

"The Universal Accreditation Agency for Fake Online Universities (UAAFOU) is an international accreditation agency that accredits fake online universities. It has been providing its services since 1791. The agency was established to promote and regulate the practices of fake online universities throughout the World. UAAFOU ensures sound educational standards and unethical practices for all its accredited members. With its unrefined and recognized accreditation program, UAAFOU offers fake distance learning institutions the most current, relevant and practical services for the 21st century. There are various institutes that have had themselves accredited from UAAFOU, and who now hold the status of being full-fledged UAAFOU members. UAAFOU also have numerous candidate institutions, whose accreditation cases are being considered."

An Informal Archive of El Físico Nuclear Web Links

"There is a story told in certain parts of Virginia that a traveler staying over at an inn was accosted by a stranger garbed in a flamboyant purple cape and tights. The traveler tried to ignore the stranger, but the fellow persisted, and the traveler soon became impressed with the man's knowledge of Newton's Principia Mathematica. From this, the traveler concluded that the stranger must be a physicist. Next arose the topic of the return of Jesus Christ to earth, and the stranger was so knowledgeable on this matter that the traveler thought his companion must be a member of the clergy. Grasping at any subject to steer the conversation away from this topic, the traveler, seeing a pastoral painting on the wall of the inn, brought up the matter of Virgil's fourth eclogue. Again, the traveler was so impressed with the stranger's learning that he concluded that his companion must be a classical scholar."

The Church of Euthanasia

"The Church of Euthanasia is a non-profit educational foundation devoted to restoring balance between Humans and the remaining species on Earth. We believe this can only be accomplished by a massive voluntary population reduction, which will require a leap in Human consciousness to a new species awareness. The Human population is increasing by one million every four days. This is a net increase of 95 million per year, the current population of Mexico. Even major wars or epidemics hardly dent this rate of growth, and modern wars also have tremendous environmental consequences. It is for these practical reasons, as well as moral ones, that we support only voluntary forms of population reduction. The Church has only one commandment, and it is "Thou Shalt Not Procreate." In addition, we have four "pillars" or principles, which are Suicide, Abortion, Cannibalism and Sodomy. Note that cannibalism is only required for those who insist on eating flesh, and is strictly limited to consumption of the already dead. Also note that sodomy is defined as any sexual act not intended for procreation: fellatio, cunnilingus, and anal sex are all forms of sodomy and are still illegal in some parts of the United States."

First Church of Dana Scully, Scientist Official Website

"Services will be held on Wednesdays, as appropriate to the God of Scientists, Mercury. The Preacher and his ordained Blasphemers of Reality will preach the Word of Slack through the inspired TranceBabble of “Bob” and his Mystic Truth of One Dollar. Welcome to the religion of Cosmic Despair, Shredded Sanity, and Redheads! Where the hard edge of rational thinking meets the ragged edge of a universe in which anything may be possible. Visit us on Facebook (search for First Church of Dana Scully, Scientist), attending virtual services each Wednesday once you’ve been accepted as a member. Watch this space for coming events, merchandise, Church literature, and more."

Church of Ed Wood

"Woodism is a serious pop culture-based religion. We use pop culture and its popularity to inject spirituality to those people out there that might not get too much from the more mainstream religions like Catholicism and Christianity. We believe in and follow late cult director Edward D. Wood Jr. and look to him as a savior. Note "A" savior, not THE savior. By looking at Ed's films and his life, we all try to lead a happy, positive life, a life of acceptance of others and of the self. Woodism is a frame of mind and not a list of rules. The basic premise of Woodism coincides with what we believe was the basic premise of Ed Wood himself, which is the constant search for happiness and the following of dreams and being proud of who you are. There are no specific practices in Woodism other than to constantly be proud of who you are, accept others, and don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't do. If you want to smoke and cuss and rut and get completely drunk, as long as you're fine with it, then go for it. It's a punk libertarian religion. It's spirituality mixed with realism. There are over 3,000 legal Woodites worldwide who believe in Ed's universal messages of happiness and love and like Ed we accept everyone into our arms. And yes, this is totally serious."

The Church of the Latter-Day Dude

"While Dudeism in its official form has been organized as a religion only recently, it has existed down through the ages in one form or another. Probably the earliest form of Dudeism was the original form of Chinese Taoism, before it went all weird with magic tricks and body fluids. The originator of Taoism, Lao Tzu, basically said “smoke ’em if you got ’em” and “mellow out, man” although he said this in ancient Chinese so something may have been lost in the translation. Down through the ages, this “rebel shrug” has fortified many successful creeds – Buddhism, Christianity, Sufism, John Lennonism and Fo’-Shizzle-my-Nizzlism. The idea is this: Life is short and complicated and nobody knows what to do about it. So don’t do anything about it. Just take it easy, man. Stop worrying so much whether you’ll make it into the finals. Kick back with some friends and some oat soda and whether you roll strikes or gutters, do your best to be true to yourself and others – that is to say, abide. Incidentally, the term “dude” is commonly agreed to refer to both genders. Most linguists contend that “Dudette” is not in keeping with the parlance of our times."

Gokuism – The Church of Goku

"Dear friend, have you accepted Goku as your personal lord and savior? If not, then please listen to my Good News! The Church of Goku can help you increase your power level to Over 9,000 and follow in the sacred footsteps of lord Goku by training with King Kai, hallowed be thy name. That’s right, there is now a Dragon Ball religion. It is called Gokuism, also known as The Church of Goku. Gokuism is the belief that the principles of Dragon Ball provide a moral compass for one’s life, and that Goku is an ideal role model and moralistic person. By some definitions, it implies that Goku provides personal, global, and universal salvation, and that his death and resurrections were for our sake."

Sasami no Kami

"Sasami no Kami is the spiritual pathway, philosophy, and religion for those who seek inner peace and guidance through the adoration of the anime character of Sasami Masaki Jurai of "Tenchi Muyo!" fame. The various images used on this website, which acts as an online temple or shrine to Sasami, were unearthed from ancient websites from the distant past! A mystical time known as the 1990's! So in tribute to the many past fans of Sasami, I will do my best to recreate an old fashioned 1990's fansite. Sasami be praised! Banzai!"

Seagalology

"Welcome to the Seagalology web site, devoted to the study of Steven Seagal. What is Seagalology? Have you ever watched a Steven Seagal movie and wondered if you've already seen it before? Did it seem oddly familiar, and not just because Steven Seagal is incapable of showing any emotion? That's because every Steven Seagal film follows a very specific formula and design in terms of plot, characters and of course Steven Seagal. This page is dedicated to that formula. Why? Because somebody had to do it."

The First Church of Dana Scully, Scientist (Facebook Group)

"1. In the beginning was “Bob,” who made a bet with Azathoth that he could screw with more people’s heads than even Nyarlathotep, and lo, Azathoth foolishly took the bet, and was sore wroth to find that it was a sucker bet, as all the bets that “Bob” makes. 2. “Bob” went forth, and proceeded to give his chosen Apostles of Apostasy full license to create any damn religion for any length of time that seemed good to them, and behold! Many a perverse and bizarre faith was brought into being. 3. Some of these had the lifespan of a mayfly, while others went on and on until they became like unto a joke that is told too often, and used exclusively for purposes of torture and mockery. 4. And schisms did arise, and the more creative of them killed “Bob” and Peed his Damn Head, going their own way, and doing whatever seemed best to them. And “Bob” was pleased, for this was in the spirit of the Tao of Slack. 5. While Pink Boys and the Slackless seized control of other religions, the Pure Ones fled and founded their temples far from the original epicenter of all this noise. Many searched for new inspiration, and some created new ShorDurPerSavs that were not in existence when the SubGenii were first congregated. 6. And among these was Dana Scully, Scientist. (Scullyation 1: 1-6)"

Church of Sloths (Facebook Group)

The Holy Order of the Niblet (Facebook Group)

"Suddenly, the universe realized itself... and if it had no past, no future, yet was coalesced and enthralled of memories and hopes, founding the immeasurable, and eternal, now. The electronic protozoa illuminated themselves, and as if cells in a timeless here subsumed, withal alone, preserve this one grant; Popped or Soufflé... Cream Style or Whole Kernel... Life Is About Itself. We All Are Of The Order. -Reverend Rezedic We beseech our brethren To facilitate Happiness and Contentment through Meditation and assimilation of the Sacred Kernel."

The Cosmic Ray Deflection Society of North America (Facebook Group)

"Knowing, that in some future time, when the ozone layer has been further destroyed by man-made chemicals such as flourocarbons and exhaust fumes, the earth and it's inhabitants will be mercilessly bombarded by deadly cosmic rays, the Cosmic Ray Deflection Society of North America, Inc. has been organized to discover ways of surviving the coming onslaught...Krudzna Ink is a loosely knit organization of crazed, forward thinking environmentalists dedicated to the survival of the human race in general, and life on the planet in particular."

DINCON - International Society For Dinka Consciousness (Facebook Group)

"Welcome to Dinkoism - the world's oldest religion. We believe The One True God is Lord Dinkan, who took the form of a humble mouse in the Pankila forest in Kerala state in India. Dinkoist teachings were passed on verbally for millennia, and documented for the first time in the Malayalam language in Balamangalam, the popular children's books. With millions of devotees, Dinkoism is the fastest growing religion in the world. Come, join us - accept Lord Dinkan as your savior, and achieve salvation!"

End of Days Radio

"Daniel, host and creator of End of Days Radio, has had paranormal experiences throughout his entire life. The most mind blowing being a full fledged up close UFO encounter in his late teens. Daniel has been obsessed with unraveling the mysteries of this reality ever since he saw the UFO. As a huge fan of radio legends such as Art Bell and Howard Stern, he created End of Days Radio as part of his mission here on earth to awaken his fellow man to the reality of the Paranormal world. Join Daniel as he delves deep down the rabbit hole into the realms of Aliens, Conspiracy, Magick, Cryptids and much more!"

The Higherside Chats

"The Higherside Chats is an interview based podcast where Greg Carlwood (that’s me.) drinks a little drink, smokes a little smoke, and sits down for conversations with the best researchers, authors, and experts on a whole host of conspiracy, paranormal, and all around fringe topics. With 5 shows each month, topics include corporate corruption, dissecting the plans of the planet’s puppet masters, MK Ultra mind control, alien abductions, alternative history, choas magick, ancient traditions, underground bases, Atlantis, The Bermuda Triangle, Hollow Earth theories, the occult, secret pacts with ET races, off the grid living, spirituality, escaping the rat race, transhumanism, psychedelics, fractional reserve banking, and the examination of a plethora of bullshit spewing from the finely tuned, total control machine of the shadowy global elite."

National Cynical Network (NCN)

"The National Cynical Network (NCN) is a long-running, alternate programming media project. It originally consisted of a trio of SF Bay-Area based radio collage artists: Phineas Narco, Ronald Redball and Alexander T. Newport. NCN seeks to play with music, using sound, and video media samples in the process of media collage or 'mediage'. 'Mediage' is defined as the process of artistically appropriating material from the media, synthesizing it throught the filter of the artists' own subjective experience of it, and then recasting it back into the media environment."

The Robert Anton Wilson Website

"Robert Anton Wilson (January 18, 1932 – January 11, 2007) wrote 35 books and over 1,500 published articles. He coauthored, with Robert Shea, the underground classic The Illuminatus! Trilogy, which won the 1986 Prometheus Hall of Fame Award. His writings include Schroedinger's Cat Trilogy, called "the most scientific of all science fiction novels," by New Scientist, and nonfiction works of Futurist psychology and guerilla ontology, such as The Cosmic Trigger Trilogy, Prometheus Rising, Quantum Psychology and The New Inquisition"

Thrillville

Empress Theresa Book - Norman Boutin

The Asylum for Shut-Ins

"The Doctor is a sadistic, power-mad ventriloquist dummy who administers doses of mind bending video ultra-violence and savage social commentary. He delivers his demented therapy with machinegun-like collages of horror movie clips... audio and video samples fused together in a musical tapestry of terror, madness, and destruction... coming attractions for the end of sanity. Elements of science fiction, horror, war documentary, and government information films are whipped into a relentless assault of explosive movie clip madness. The shock of Video Psychotherapy, which has a cult following across the nation, strips away the thin veneer of moral pretense exposing the dark truth behind modern socio-political posturing."

Kook Science Research Associates

"We are the Kook Science Research Associates, because why should we pretend otherwise? The resources we cultivate are not always legitimated science, and we certainly cannot promise they are anything you ought to rely on if you plan to apply for grant money. This is the fringe, the borderland, where sense and nonsense are no longer distinct categories, and our qualifications are as worthy as the five-dollar frames the learned doctors and professors have displayed them in. But don't take our word for it..."

Cthulhu for America

"I have always been here. When your world was young I arrived and strode across the steaming rock. But that does not interest you. For you, the question is am I an illegal alien, or worse, am I Canadian? You could say I have been on Americans’ minds since our nation’s birth. I am quintessentially American. I’ve established residence all across the nation. I fished off the shore of Innsmouth, Massachusetts, in 1840. In 1907 I frolicked in the swamps near New Orleans. The silent hills of Vermont played host to my consciousness in the 1930’s. I haunted the lonely surf-addled shorelines of California in the 1960’s. But as America soured, the pain and violence drew me forth. The brutality of empire was the key to circumventing a bad case of narcolepsy. I needed more than scattered cultists in remote areas. I needed the screams and dreams of millions who styled themselves the apex of primate civilization. And so I began my career in politics. Unfortunately, you ape-things insist on voting for the middling or lesser evil! But this time the stars are finally right. It is time for the humans of the United States of America to choose the Best Evil to lead them toward their destiny."

Yippies STB

A driving force behind the social revolution of the 1960s and 1970s, Hoffman inspired a generation to challenge the status quo. Meant as a practical guide for the aspiring hippie, Steal This Book captures Hoffman's puckish tone and became a cult classic with over 200,000 copies sold. Outrageously illustrated by R. Crumb, it nevertheless conveys a serious message to all would-be revolutionaries: You don't have to take it anymore. "All Power to the Imagination was his credo. Abbie was the best." — Studs Terkel

Troma

"Now celebrating 40 years of filmmaking, Troma Entertainment, Inc. is the longest running independent movie studio in North America. In addition to commercial success, Troma enjoys a wealth of critical appreciation, exemplified by Troma retrospectives sponsored by the American Cinematheque, Cinemathèque Français, the British Film Institute, the American Film Institute and many others. After creating a new kind of sexy comedy in the 70’s and putting a new face on the movie superhuman hero in the 80’s with The Toxic Avenger, Troma continued to break new ground in the 90’s and 2000’s with quality, entertaining films. "

The Actium Colony - An Actium Maximus Fansite

" "Actium Maximus" definitely captures that feeling you get when you try to remember what you were dreaming about just after you wake up. It is a surreal and strange pulp sci-fi story that goes on for what feels like forever, building it's own story and mythos while both answering your questions but also confusing you every step of the way. The puppets are gruesome, the blue screen technology is obvious, the sound quality is quite bad at times, and some of the alien creatures are almost unintelligible. Plus there is no assurance at all that any of the story-lines will come together! But the setting and characters are so interesting that you lose track of all of that. It's clear who the villains are, but are there any heroes at all? This movie is so strange, ugly, and beautiful I can't help but watch."

Something Weird Video

"Something Weird has made a point to stay true to the nostalgic and sleazy feeling of a grind house theatre on Main Street USA. Our dvd packaging reflects the times they movies were made and we use original ad and poster art whenever possible. Amped up with lurid and garish colors to give our products that special Something Weird look. Eye candy inside and out! Every racy and taboo subject known to man can be found in our video catalog. Or just plain wacky celluloid wonders. Consider it one-stop shopping for all your delightfully depraved entertainment. There's Something Weird for Everyone! "

The Asylum

"The Asylum is one of the world's leading brand-oriented motion picture and television studios. With a focus on high-concept, market-driven entertainment, like the SHARKNADO franchise, The Asylum finances, produces and releases 25 films per year through its direct pipeline to the nation's top retailers and its network of international partners. Since its founding in 1997, The Asylum has released more than 500 films and has built a library of over 250 original productions, including top-rated movie premieres for Syfy, Lifetime, AXS TV and Animal Planet networks. In addition, The Asylum is now in production of season 4 of Syfy's top rated scripted show Z NATION, a critically-acclaimed action-horror series."

Sunday, August 27, 2017

My AEGIS Identification Card

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