I'm beginning to become somewhat frustrated with the monotony of life. I'm not sure if things are too chaotic or too caged up, but I'm becoming concerned with my own quality of life. I have a million worries that I try to ignore so I can "keep pushing that boulder" everyday until I can reach a point where I can at last feel comfortable and relaxed with life, but I'm not sure that will ever really be the case.
I'm questing for pure slack, and occasionally I receive glimmers of it as if the universe itself is trying to either encourage me or bait me to continue on. The current societal climate really have be spooked as well as we trudge ever forward in this "safe space" culture. And that's really it I guess; all wars are culture wars. Rich versus poor, ethnicity versus ethnicity, religion versus religion. Whatever I guess; nothing like a good war to make us all feel like heroes, right?
We're all questing for wisdom to unlock some sort of deep inner secret, but we're all looking for the key to these inner secrets from external sources. Even if you're an atheist you've replaced religious philosophy with maybe a scientific one, or a political one, or a moral one; in any case, these are all reactionary philosophies based on external constructs. We're tormenting ourselves with an immeasurable amount of date that we can't even begin to properly quantify in a way that is constructive. We just like to pretend we all have it under control, or hope that maybe someone else does. We succumb to the drudge because it feels safe.
I still believe though that a big part of self-mastery is understanding time and how we spend it. When we realize time within our current form is a finite experience, we begin to understand our real selves just a bit more. Maybe even learn to love ourselves. That'd be a nice change of pace. We're all conned into living out the dreams of other people, putting them on pedestals so they can feel important and special, when really... why do we care? Do you think they care about each an every person who supports them? That's too idealistic.
What was I talking about? Or right, frustration. What I think I'm actually frustrated with is having to passively become a cog in the machine of society. Relinquishing control of my own time to external forces in hopes that I can one day enjoy a bit of stable false slack and enjoying the fleeting moments of true slack as they spontaneously appear in my existence. Is true slack, peace, comfort, and joy possible? If it is, it's not something you can work for.
In the end I'm back at the bottom of the mountain, having to push that boulder up again. I know this won't last forever but I hope the end comes sooner than not. I'm growing weary of this noise that people have tried to convince me is reality. Maybe one day I'll construct my own and see if I can do any better.